


of trust and long overdue explanations

by Selinenuli



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Family, Gen, Team Bonding, Team as Family, other chearacters mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 05:42:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22322014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Selinenuli/pseuds/Selinenuli
Summary: in the depths of the library, Graham finds a diary the same color as the TARDIS.it brings a lot of emotions and a long overdue explanation
Relationships: Thirteenth Doctor & Graham O'Brien, Thirteenth Doctor & Ryan Sinclair, Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan, Thirteenth Doctor & Yasmin Khan & Graham O'Brien & Ryan Sinclair
Comments: 3
Kudos: 75





	of trust and long overdue explanations

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: ok. I’m supposed to be sleeping right now, and I've no idea what I'm doing here. Mostly just throwing my thoughts out there to get them out of my head. Hopefully it’s not too bad. Let me know what you think?

There were still the occasional nights in which Graham found himself unable to sleep. When the empty space where Grace used to be was to hard to bear.  
On those nights, he would often wander around the TARDIS.

In all of their adventures with The Doc, most of their time on the ship was spent either sleeping or around the console, so they hadn’t actually gotten to see the depth of it.  
(Sort of like with The Doctor herself. They were constantly around her, saving worlds, running, in grave danger, yet they still barely knew a thing about her)

It seemed to be endless.  
In all of his nights wandering around, Graham has yet to reach the end.  
There was a swimming pool, and a wardrobe, and a room full of hats.  
Some rooms were locked. Some were bedrooms, some with names on the doors, probably belonging to the previous occupants of the TARDIS (because of course there had been others. Graham couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to them)  
He didn’t try to open those.

His latest find was the library.  
Oh, what a library it was.  
As endless as the TARDIS herself.

So many books, more than it was possible to count (they were probably written in languages more complex than Graham could imagine Luckily, her had the TARDIS ‘ translation working in his favour)

He walked around, passing through the different sections.  
History, sci-fi, fantasy, astronomy, biographies.  
His fingers running over the spines.

There, at the sight of a familiar blue color, he halted to a stop.  
He pulled the book out of the shelf.

Not only was it the same color as the TARDIS, but the cover was also shaped like the ship’s doors.  
There was no title.

He peeked inside. Flipped through the pages.  
The text on the paper was handwritten, messy and organized, with the occasional sketch between the words.

Graham scanned through the pages, trying to understand what this strange book was about.

Eventually he realized.  
It was a diary.

He closed it at once.  
It felt like he was invading someone’s privacy.

He was still curious, though.  
Whose diary was it, and why was it here, in The Doc’s library?

He could probably ask her.  
Doubted she’d actually tell him, though.

He’d try tomorrow.

But right now, his eyelids were getting heavy, so he took the diary with him and made his way back to his room.

Graham woke up in the early morning.

Or what would have been early morning, if they weren’t on board a ship on which the bounds of space and time were almost nonexistent.

He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.  
With the diary held under one arm, he made his way to the console room looking fort The Doctor.

Yaz and Ryan were still asleep, thankfully.

Maybe, Graham though, The Doc would have an easier time opening up if it weren’t the three of them all at once.

He found her under the console, on that swing, tinkering with her sonic and some wires. Her eyes were covered with goggles, and she didn’t seem to notice him.  
Graham cleared his throat.

“Oh!” she startled, dropping her sonic then scrambling to catch it.  
She removed her goggles, smiling at him.  
“Graham! Is it morning already? I didn’t notice. D’you sleep well?”

“No, not really. Wandered around for a bit. Found the library. And, Doc, I wanted to ask you about this.” He held out the diary.

She froze, her smile fading.  
She snatched the diary out of his hand, holding it as if it might just break (though to be fair, it did look quite old).  
“Where’d you find it?”

Graham frowned. He didn’t like how low and quiet her voice had gotten. As if she, too, might just break.

“The library. Didn’t read it or anything, just wondered who it belonged to.”

Running her hand over the TARDIS blue cover, the Doctor then his the book under her coat.  
She jumped off the swing and walked past him, running up the stairs to the console.  
“No one important.”

The TARDIS hummed softly, as if protesting to that statement.  
The Doctor muttered something under her breath.

Graham followed her around the console “You sure about that?”  
“Yep.”  
He sighed “I just thought opening up would do you some good, y’know?”

She didn’t respond. Instead, she put on a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.  
“So, where are we off to today? How about Zenkion, hu? Fabulous place. Or maybe Leron LD9, though that might be a bit tricky seeing as I am wanted for murder there…”

She kept rambling on, completely avoiding the topic at hand, like she often had. She was running in circles around the console, randomly pushing buttons and pulling levers.

She was always doing that running. And not just physically, that is. Running from her past. And Graham didn’t know how much more she could run.  
He didn’t know how much more they could take. She knew so much about them. Yet they barely knew anything about her. Sure she was constantly talking, but those were just words. They meant nothing to the three humans.  
Gallifrey, for example. Where even was it?  
And she had been sort of glum. Ever since that whole thing with O, or the Master, or whatever his name was. She hadn’t been herself for a while now.  
There was something going on  
The Doctor was going to need to start opening up. Because Graham didn’t know how much longer he could do this, travelling with her, an alien who he knew nothing about.

“Doctor?”  
“Maybe we should ask Ryan where he wants to go. And Yaz. Where are Ryan and Yaz? Are they still asleep? I always forget how much sleep you humans need.”

“Doctor,” he said again, his voice more strict this time.  
“Hmm?”

“Whose diary was this?”

She stopped running for a moment, staring at him. A distant, sad look in her eyes.  
Slowly, she took it out from under her coat, stroking it with her thumb.

Ryan chose this exact moment to appear. A second later, and Yaz was there, as well.  
Graham sighed.  
What a perfect timing those two had.

“What’s going on?” asked Yaz, stifling a yawn.  
Ryan perked up upon seeing the blue object in the Doctor’s hand. He reached towards it  
“Hey what’s that?”

The Doctor took a step back, hiding the diary behind her back. She seemed almost angry. Graham had never seen her like that.  
“Ryan!! How many times do I have to say?! DO NOT TOUCH.”

Ryan grimaced, mumbling an apology.  
Yaz frowned, not sure what was happening.  
Graham shook his head. “Right doc, that’s enough.”

“Wha-”

“No, listen. Ever since that situation with your old mate, you’ve been incredibly glum and moody and you haven’t said a word of it since. If Ryan had touched that before this mood of yours, you’d have been fine with it, in fact, you probably would have praised his curiosity, if you haven’t joined him.  
So tell me, what on earth is going on here?! Because we’re getting tired of it, first you snap at Yaz, you never went back to save that girl that Ryan liked and you’ve been in a right horrible mood for weeks. Somethings going on and you ain’t telling us. I can tell, you’re still keeping secrets, you never told us everything when you told us who you are and where you’re from, and it isn’t easy, trusting someone you know nothing about.  
Even now, just a second ago, you ran off, looking glum. So please, tell us what’s happening, we’re your friends. Family.”

The Doctor stared at him. The TARDIS hummed softly.  
She opened her mouth to speak, but when nothing came out, she averted her gaze to the floor.

The Doctor stared at the faces of her friends. Family.  
Been a while since she had one of those.

The diary behind her back was just a reminder.  
River and Amy and Rory. The Ponds.  
She closed her eyes, trying to push back the tears.

A memory surfaced to her mind then.

“You’re going to have to trust us this time.”

“Trust you? Sure. But first of all, Dr. Song, just one thing… who are you? You’re someone from my future, getting that, but who? Okay. Why are you in prison, who did you kill? Hmm? Oh, I love a bad girl, me, but trust you? Seriously?”

She remembered the hurt behind River’s eyes. She remembered what it was like, not being able to trust her, even though she wanted to. It was not pleasant.

Was that how they were feeling now, Graham, and Ryan and Yaz?

Oh, no, no no no…  
What had she done?

“I, I’m sorry,” the Doctor choked out.

Graham was taken aback by how fragile she looked. Like she was going to cry.

“I think… maybe I’ve been running for so long I’ve forgotten how not to. Sorry, Ryan, Yaz. Shouldn’t have snapped at you. Sorry, Graham.”

She sat down on the floor, defeated.  
Yaz sat down next to her, squeezing her hand in comfort.  
Ryan and Graham sat down as well.

“We’re just worried,” said Graham. “You hadn’t been acting like yourself lately.”

“Don’t really know who myself is. Used to be a practical twelve years old, than a grumpy old man, and now… I dunno.”

The three humans exchanged confused looks at that.

“Right. Long overdue explanation.” she flashed them a smile, though she still seemed on edge.

They tried to tell her that this wasn’t what they meant. They didn’t need to her her whole life story, they just needed her to open up a little. But she was on a roll, already talking a thousand miles a minute.

She told them about Gallifrey. A planet that was red and orange, where humans were not allowed. She told about the time lords, and regenerations, and the daleks and the time war. They could tell it was not easy for her, talking about this.  
So they tried their best to support her, listening, offering a hand when needed.

She briefly mentioned names from her past. Suzan, Sarha-Jane, Rose. So many names, so many people she had lost. Martha, Jack, Jenny, Donna, Amy, Rory, Clara, River, Bill.

She explained about her previous faces. The one with the ears, the one with the great hair and the long coat, the one wearing a bowtie, and the old scottish one.

Eventually, she had begun to tell them about the dairy, and its owner.

River Song.

By the way the Doctor described her, it was clear just how in love she had been.  
Graham’s heart went out to his friend.  
He knew what it was like, losing someone you loved this much.

By the time she was finished (she seemed almost relieved to have gotten all that off her chest), yes they had known the Doctor life story.  
They trusted her, understood her, but not because of that.

It was more because she trusted them enough to open up. She didn’t feel the need to run and hide any longer.

Wiping a single tear from her face, she smiled at them. A real, genuine smile. The first they’ve seen in a while.  
“Right. Family. Is that what we are? Sure hope so. Love that. Having a family.”


End file.
